Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The Santa Caper

On a beautiful day in December, at the crack of dawn, one after another of the little elves wakes up, yawns, stretches, and rises.

Each puts on his or her little pointy shoes and off they run into the kitchen to greet Santa who should be sitting there, reading the paper, waiting for the hot coffee Mrs. Claus is preparing.
But what is that! No Santa!

“Mrs. Claus, where is Santa?”

“I don’t know” answers Mrs. Claus, “I thought he was with you guys, I haven’t seen him all morning. Maybe he is in the barn with the reindeer.”
Off they go, into the barn.

“Good morning Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen. Have you seen Santa?

“No, we haven’t” says Rudolph. Donner explains “Last time we’ve seen him was yesterday evening” and Blitzen continues “When he came in to say good night.”
“Why are you asking” inquires Dasher, and Comet cuts in screaming “Where is our Santa?”

“He usually comes in before breakfast to greet us all” says Vixen. “Yes, and he brings us a treat!” cries Cupid. “That’s true” adds Prancer “and he pets us all too!” “And it is late – and he hasn’t been here today” Dancer sums up the situation. “What a mystery” Pepper Minstix mumbles. “Let’s go and check his room.” And off they race into Santa Claus’ room.


But there is a note, on the nightstand, leaning against his alarm clock.
Alabaster Snowball picks it up and reads:

“Oh my” Sugarplum Mary screams, “they kidnapped Santa! What are we going to do?”

“We have to call in the police and let them help us find Santa Claus!” Wunorse Openslae says.

“But you read what they say: Do not involve the police!” whines Bushy Evergreen.

“They always say that” replies Shinny Upatree, “it doesn’t mean anything. We need the police to figure this out! I will call NPPDCCSI (North Pole Police Department Cat/Canine Crime Scene Unit), they will find clues that will help us to get Santa back!”

Half an hour later Detective Schlau and Dr. Hinweis arrive. They put yellow ribbon around the room so no one can go in there anymore and they start looking for clues.

“Dr. Hinweis, look at this, I found some colored eggshells. Let’s get them to the laboratory and see if we can match them to something.”

"Yes, Detective Schlau. And look ovew hewe – I found a paw pwint. And it looks exactly like a wabbit footie…. I will telepowt to the laboratory immediately and check these things out myself."

“Hmmm, colored eggshells and a rabbit footprint. I think we should pay the Easter Bunny a visit!”

Off Detective Schlau goes, knocking on Easter Bunnies door. No answer. He knocks again. Nothing. Just when the detective is ready to knock down the door, it opens and a very tired and hung-over looking Easter Bunny dressed in a Santa Claus outfit appears.

“Are you the Easter Bunny and are those Santa Claus’ clothes?” Detective Schlau asks.

“Yes. And yes. But they are mine now” and the Easter Bunny yawns, “I won them in our poker game last night!”

“What do you mean ‘poker game’? Where is Santa Claus? What happened here last night?”

“Please don’t tell Mrs. Claus. She would not approve, that’s why Santa hasn’t told her. We meet once a month to play a little game of poker,” the Easter Bunny confesses, “and last night was our game night. Santa lost everything but would not stop so he bet his clothes. That’s why I have them, because he lost again!” “And then,” Detective Schlau inquires “what happened then? Where did he go? Where is he now?”

“How would I know” the Easter Bunny exclaims, “we all had way too much eggnog, Santa borrowed one of my outfits to wear on the way home, and he left. What’s going on? Why are you asking about Santa?”

“Santa Claus was kidnapped” Detective Schlau explains. “We are looking for clues to what exactly happened.”

At that moment Dr. Hinweis teleports back and looks at the Easter Bunny. "I just matched the eggshells we found at the scene of the cwime to samples of youw eggs that we have on file." “We also had found a paw print, Size 17” adds Detective Schlau. “May I ask: what size paw do you wear?”

“This is ridiculous” screams the Easter Bunny, “I was here all night, alone! Look around, there is no Santa here.”

They all start looking around when all of a sudden the Easter Bunny cries “My left hiking paw is missing! And some of my eggs are broken and most of the shells are gone! Someone is trying to implicate me in this crime! Whoever kidnapped Santa stole my hiking paw and my eggshells and left them at the scene of the crime!”

“O.K.”, Detective Schlau sighs. “Let’s start over. Who was at the game last night and could have stolen these things and taken Santa?”

“It was just the three of us, as usual” the Easter Bunny explains. “Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and me.”

“Well, Dr. Hinweis, let’s pay the tooth fairy a visit” says Detective Schlau and off they go.

“Come on in” chirps the Tooth Fairy once they arrive at her home. “So you want to know where Santa is? We left together last night; he could hardly walk – too much eggnog as usual – so I gave him a hand. But then we met a friend of his who supposedly lives closer and he took over. I don’t know who it was, it was dark and I couldn’t really see anything. I can show you were we parted ways.”

Off they go to a place where the road bisects, one way leading to the Tooth Fairy’s place, the other to Santa Claus’ home.

"Look" exclaims Dr. Hinweis "signs of a stwuggle! I have some wipped fabwic, and some haiw on it. I will send it to DNA analysis immediately, maybe we'll get a match! And it seems as if someone left a twail of colowed eggshells fow us to follow. There must have been some eggs in the Easter Bunny's outfit that Santa wowe and he used them to his advantage!"

So they follow the trail of colored eggshells deep into the woods. Minutes turn into an hour, feet become tired, and Detective Schlau and Dr. Hinweis feel as if someone were watching them…But no one there except the trees.

"Look Detective” Dr. Hinweis all of a sudden shouts “the trees are alive!” They both look up and sure enough – there is a head on every tree! And they wear jewelry too!

“Hello”, chirps the closest one “who are you?”

Before they can answer another tree whispers “I know! They are CCSI!”

“Hellooo”, murmurs a third, “we can all see that; it is written on their uniforms!”

Before the trees can get into a serious argument, Dr. Hinweis’ cell phone rings. She listens and shouts "We have a match! The DNA belongs to the Chwistkind!”

Luckily CCSI headquarters had an address on file for the Christkind and when they arrive at his house Detective Schlau takes the lead and breaks the door with his shoulder while Dr. Hinweis screams "Police. Lay down on the gwound!"

“Please don’t kill me” cries the Christkind “I didn’t mean any harm! Except for a really bad headache Santa Claus is fine, he’s sitting right there! I only kidnapped him because I wanted Christmas to be what it used to be – about family, love, and peace not about presents, greed, and shopping! I thought if Santa Claus was gone and couldn't bring the presents people will remember, sing, talk, and relate with each other.”

And after Detective Schlau released Santa Claus from his chain and Dr. Hinweis gave him some eggnog-hangover-rescue-pills, he forgave the Christkind, and didn’t press charges. From now on the Christkind will ride with Santa in his sleigh and hand out love, peace, joy, and Christmas Spirit (40 proof, ho ho ho ho ho ho ho) because these are the most precious presents of all.

Story and characters are entirely fictional and any similarity with existing imaginary figures are absolutely intended.

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